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A couple weeks ago I got an invitation to a friend's baby shower. We'll call this friend "K." Four of K's friends sent out the evite saying, "Come join X, X, X and X in celebrating K, the mommy-to-be." Then it gave the date and time with a notation of where K is registered.
I was legitimately excited to go. I even bought a present for this baby shower.
Tonight, I got this email from the four hosts:
Hi Everyone,
To those who haven't RSVP'd
Looking forward to seeing
I am in shock. Legit shock.
I suspected that I'd pay for my own brunch. It's not a stretch to say that I'd willingly throw in a few bucks for K's brunch. However, what crossed the line is a host asking a guest to pay for the decorations and dessert.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, it's possible to buy a brunch item for $8 at this restaurant. If I'm paying for the decorations, I want my friggin' name on the invite cuz then I'd be hosting this shindig too.
Contemplating gracefully bowing out. Any other suggestions?
wowwww, that is..um, yeah...i have never seen something like that before! what are you going to do???? I would feel like i would have to address it somehow but wouldn't know how to!
ReplyDeleteWhoa my God. That is super tacky!
ReplyDeleteDecorations & dessert??? As one who has just had a few baby showers thrown for me I would have been offended if my hosts asked the guests to contribute!!! I don't know what to tell you, but i guess it all depends on how close you are to the the friend they are throwing the shower for... if she is a dear friend you might have to suck it up as tacky as it is. But still... SO TACKY!!
ReplyDeleteThis is really not OK. I'm not even sure I would expect to pay for my own food if invited to a shower. I would say go if you are close to the mom-to-be. Hopefully she would be mortified to learn that her hostesses are doing this - I certainly would be!
ReplyDeleteWow! I was surprised by this post! What will you do?
ReplyDeleteHave a special day!
Xoxo
Susie
www.myfashionview.com
Honestly, I would bow out. A guest doesn't pay for decorations - that is the host's responsibility. :/
ReplyDeleteHOLY EFF. Because of that, I wouldn't go. That's just lame. And rude. And stupid.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I missed you while you were gone. Please never leave for so long again.
But I'm glad you had fun.
I'm a complex person.
http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88
That is so very tacky. I can't believe the planner of the party would do that. They need a crash course in how to throw a shower, I should say a classy shower. Aye curumba! It is very rude. I hate rude, don't you?
ReplyDeleteWow. Unacceptable. I might would respond by bowing out and giving my two cents on the issue of WHY I'm bowing out....in a classy way, of course.
ReplyDeleteWhat shower etiquette book are THEY reading?
I don't even think it's acceptable to ask GUESTS to pay for a meal. You can't say you're hosting a party if you are only inviting people to go to a restaurant and buy their own meal. No one expects a meal at a shower anyway.
ReplyDeleteEtiquette isn't dead, but it's on life support.
I had a friend who had a major milestone birthday and said she didn't want a party. She just wanted to get away. She ended up inviting 12 friends to spend the weekend at a spa with her. She told me all about it, but didn't invite me. Then she told me later she didn't invite me because she figured I wouldn't want to go.
I certainly would not have been able to afford it, but she didn't know that. I thought the whole thing was wrong on too many levels to count.
SO TACKY! I would also very much want to back out. I might even since it's so much money attending + gift and I'm on such a tight budget. The devil's advocate, though, would say you don't want to bail on the mommy-to-be just because her friends are tacky hostesses. I think if I were in your shoes you should reply to the email that you are happy to pay for your own brunch and contribute $X (of your choice) for the lady of the hour's brunch and that you are very excited. And then leave it at that. As much as I'd like to tell them any decorations are their responsibility, you want to be civil with these people. You'll probably see them again sometime. I hate when people try to host parties they can't afford to throw. If they can't afford the fancy shower they had in mind, maybe the guests can't, either! People should plan the party they can afford. This is especially tacky, because the whole point of four hostesses instead of one or two is to better cover costs.
ReplyDeleteThat is terrible!!!
ReplyDeleteOooh, that's no good...it's hard to teach etiquette to adults who have never learned it before.
ReplyDeleteI think that is a tricky situation they put you in. Let us know how it turns out?
ReplyDeleteYes I do think that all these showers etc have gone way too far. You don't get this in any other country! Guests being hijacked at every level. I would be extremely embarrassed if someone threw me a shower like that. I think go as your friend will appreciate it. You'll probably find every other single guest has the same thoughts as you.
ReplyDeleteWow! I'm shocked too. That is just plain tacky and wrong. I don't know what I would do. You should not be expected to pay for decorations and dessert! That's crazy! Please let me know how this turns out. I'm so curious!
ReplyDeleteYikes, what a nightmare. These ladies obviously need a reality check. I say, if you're only so-so friends with the person this shower is for, don't go and send her the gift. Keep your mouth shut and move on. If you're good friends? Talk to the ladies who are hosting it, or even your friend. Maybe she has no idea that they are doing this and would be as appalled as you are. If they refuse to allow you to not pay that amount of money, then just don't go. I have a feeling a lot of other people are going to be backing out of that shower now too. Good luck! I'd really like it if you filled us in on what happens with all this, pretty interesting (though annoying for you) blog material! ;)
ReplyDeleteuuuhm...hellooo!! That is just rude! Seriously!
ReplyDeleteIf I where K, and knew about this, I would cancel the whole thing and invite everyone for coffee in my backyard! HA!
yup, I wouldnt go! thats rude I think. its like this time i was invited to a wedding with the invitation saying "please bring cash instead of presents" even though they might need cash they shouldn't have said that...
ReplyDeleteYeah, bow out. If you can't afford to throw someone a party, then host something smaller. I can understand people paying for their own meal but not the other stuff like decorations & dessert. Tacky.
ReplyDeleteWOW! I have never ever heard of anything like that before. That is beyond tacky! I'd totally bail if I were you...
ReplyDeleteGosh!! I'm shocked that they would even ask for everyone to cover their own brunch cost. We're hosting a brunch for my sis-in-law's shower, but we never even considered asking anyone to pitch in for anything. They are guests and their present for the mom-to-be should suffice!
ReplyDeleteOh no they didn't! How rude!
ReplyDeleteThat is incredibly tacky. I would bow out too, and bring the present to K on another occasion. People are just so weird sometimes, no common sense whatsoever.
ReplyDelete